Chapter 1- I Dwell in Darkness

Author’s Note: Welcome to chapter 1 of I Dwell in Darkness. I truly hope and pray this story draws you out of yourself to ponder a subject that I feel is not often spoken of. Thank you again to my dear friends who helped me research the fascinating world of “dwelling in darkness.” Please enjoy chapter 1 – I Dwell in Darkness (Romans 8:22-27).

Jayda shifted her feet and held tighter to the microphone that was in her hand. By now the lights were blinding her and she could sense all the fear, pain, and anxiety getting ready to explode inside of her. Her heart was pounding and she knew she needed to get off the stage. She swallowed and quickly finished her talk.

“Often we can look at the light and think, ‘Light is good. Light is there so that we may see and go about our day with ease.’

Then we look at the darkness and call it ‘bad’. We call it ‘bad ‘because we can not see in it. We call it ‘bad’ because we are forced to sit, slow down, and think. Darkness is usually compared to all the bad in this world.

But, what if there was no darkness? What if all we had was light? Suddenly the dark becomes desirable, essential, something we need to live.

I think Van Gogh put it best when he stated, ‘I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.'”

Jayda Aideen walked off stage and quickly left the auditorium altogether. Even though now there was an echo of applause from the audience, Jayda didn’t hear it. She quickly dodged to the nearest bathroom to hide.

Every nerve in her body seemed to be on edge and she was shaking all over. Then she finally relaxed her eye, the pain released, and she could feel the tic. Her eye started blinking rapidly and there was nothing she could do about it now.

Jayda sunk down to the bathroom floor and tried to hold back tears. How was it she could stand in front of audiences, even give a TED talk, and be so terribly broken?

“Jayda, are you okay?” Shiloh-Jayda’s manager. “Jayda, are you in there?” Now Shiloh was knocking on the stall door.

“Please just go away,” Jayda thought, “I want to be alone.”

“Please, don’t pretend like you don’t hear me,” Shiloh pleaded. “I know you aren’t okay. I saw you run in here.”

“Please, Shiloh..” Jayda said through tears and a shaking body whose tic wouldn’t quit.

“Alright, I will leave you be, but I will be out there waiting for you.” Shiloh began to walk away and then stopped. “I hate to tell you this, but you have a long line of people waiting out here to talk to you.”

“Great.” Jayda thought, although she was not surprised. For over three years now, she had been giving talks and speeches all over North America and Europe. Just yesterday she had been invited to speak at a conference this weekend in Brazil.

Shiloh had been very excited, but Jayda had only inwardly groaned. Jayda hated traveling and being so far away from home. Her anxiety and tics always got worse too.

Jayda stood up off the bathroom floor and wiped her tears and nose. She carefully unlocked the stall door and walked to the mirrors. Her eyes were red from crying and her body was tired from speaking, shaking, and twitching. Her stomach rumbled reminding her she hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Jayda washed her hands and straightened her long red braid. She whispered a short prayer and nervously walked out to find Shiloh.

To be continued…